Longest Post Ever in the history of Posts

I haven't named this post yet because I don't know what to call it. SO, I thought I'd just start writing & see what tickles my fancy...

Let's see. I went & saw the nutritionist. I posted a bit on Facebook how she was quite the nutty professor. In her defense I did say I wanted to get healthy because I may want to have a baby. So with that being said, after chit chatting & bla bla bla, she finally gets to the being a nutritionist part. She was asking me questions about my lifestyle, etc. & then asked me about stress. I let her know the only real source of stress is & always has been my in-laws. OH GIRL. Wrong thing apparently to say to nutritionist who thinks she is a therapist. Really?? She goes into this tirade about how when women breast feed they get orgasms & they are attached to their children that way & that is why women won't have sex with their husbands when their babies are nursing. OMFG. REALLY?!?!?! I don't remember signing up for you to psycho analyze me & my husband. All I wanted was some direction. Guidance - a jump start. NONE of that happened. She was all over the place. Threw up a bunch of information that she kept telling me helped her & then sent me on my way. No follow up or meal plan or anything. I will not be going back to crazy. I like to actually back away from crazy...

The plus is I have started a workout routine. Last week was my first week of boot camp . I am finally getting my groove on in that regards. You know, I am going to pour my heart out right now...I weighed myself & I weigh 171. Now I am only 5'3" & that's a lot of weight on my frame. I have been this way since my surgery & haven't really fluctuated from that. I am MISERABLE in this body. Not specifically for the shallow aspects, but I just feel uncomfortable. Nothing cute fits me, I am tired all the time & I am embarrassed. There, I said it. I am ashamed of this massive weight gain. But, I am working on making things right with myself.

Shame is a funny thing. It keeps ya from doing the things you love & being your best self. Since I am striving to be my best self, I am happy that I am seeing a therapist. I get to see her this week & I know all things will be well. I kind of feel like I am moving in inches & not leaps & bounds, but then I have to realize that I am changing the way I live & it's hard. My doctor gave me a prescript for anti-depressants, but I haven't filled it yet. I have an apprehension of chemically altering my brain & my thoughts. But I am wondering if it will help me initially & then I can ween myself off of it. I spend half a month depressed because of PMS & pms is getting worse & worse as I get older. So we'll see what happy head person has to say :)

So this is where I am. I am working on getting healthier for real this time & I know there are some days I won't be 100%, but I am ok with that. Yesterday was a really bad day. I had horrible headaches & allergies. I did get a workout in though! Ok, this was a long rambling post, but just the shizz going on in my life. I hope everyone is well!!! My birthday is in 11 days!!! 26 is going to be a fantastic year!!!

Hugs & Peace!!!

It snowed!!!

I was like a kid in a candy store today. Since I am a housewife right now, I got to see the snow fall & stick to the ground. It truly was magical for me as I have lived in Texas all my life. Yes, I've seen snow on a couple of occasions, but to be in real live falling snow rocks!!!

So, I think I have found the issue with my fatigue. I went & got a physical & my vitamin D levels are incredibly low. Normal levels start at 32 & mine is 21. So it makes sense that I am fatigued, my bones ache & I don't recover as quickly as I used to. I never knew Vita D was so important. Also, I guess I can sit my arse out in the sun more often :) I am visiting a nutritionist on Monday & am excited about this. Just a little jump start on that front. This week I've been pretty good about my diet & I am pretty sure it's because we are on a budget. Eating at home makes one helluva difference!

Other than that, things are pretty much same old same old! I hope all is well with everyone.

Peace!

Another letter bites the dust

Ok, I promise I am nt making this up, but the letter 'O' is now on the fritz. I've been through E, A, I & now O. Either someone at HP is playing a joke on me or at some point in time I am going to be able to spell something cool & know I have a friend from the after life. Oh & the number 9 was sticking right before O. Who knows, I could gogle HP keyboards & there is probably some forum on there talking abut the sticky keyboard letters. But for nw I am just having fun! Notice all the words missing an o?

Other than that, not much to report. I did join boot camp this month. Finally, the teacher becomes the student.

Peace!

It's true...2012 WILL be the end of days

How do I know? My evil sister-in-law is pregnant & I am pretty sure she is going to birth the Anti-Christ. That poor kid, it's not even its fault. I wonder if she is going to name him/her Damien? I know, that is a horrible thing to say, but if you knew Satan you'd know what I am talking about. (BTW-I am totally giggling while writing this!!!)

Not too much going on here. Sigh...I need to get out more...

Love to you all!!!

Family Behaving Badly

So the older I get the more I learn about my family (not my immediate family, but cousins/uncles, etc.) Now I know my family is not perfect, but I do know the one thing my family does not do is play games with each other. I don't mean Monopoly kind of games, but swarmy bullshit games.

This morning's post is about bullshit. You know, I just don't understand why people have a problem with telling the truth. Don't our parents raise us to tell the truth? Don't attorneys seek out the truth? Obviously there is something to this truth thing. I mean, I guess I could hone my skills as a pathological liar. Then there is that icky bullshit passive/aggressive shit. Really? How can you not feel incredibly gross about yourself? Ick...

Anyhoo-I am up way too early & it's not good because I am already bitching. lol!

Peace out...

Peace within

So I had an emergency meeting with my happy head person. I pretty much have her on speed dial & by the time she is done parenting me (her words exactly) I am pretty sure she'll be able to buy a Ferrari. Our meeting was about all my anger towards my in-laws. It's the ONLY thing Alex & I fight about. The only thing. So she helped me see quite a few things & can I tell you that just one change in perspective is the most liberating feeling in the world? Yeah baby!!! Now I have nothing to worry about & I realize they have no power over me. Woot woot!!

Anyway, I woke up feeling great! I am sipping hot water with lemon & plan on getting on my treadmill after this post. Damn I feel liberated!!! Lovin' it!!!

Short post.

Love ya!

New Blog

Sweet!!! Successfully changed my template, web address & title. You know I love Chaka Khan, but I'm not every woman. As a matter of fact, I am one of diversity & uniqueness :) At least that's what my happy head person says!!! lol. Seriously though, I am made up of two races (and probably then some), I was raised Jewish (even though I am not practicing) and my mother is Chinese Jamaican. I can't quite figure out how she is third generation Jamaican, but hey, I'll take it!!! When I learned of the trouble that my people caused Tibet, I immediately called my mother & asked if my relatives had anything to do with it. She said no, but I am not thoroughly convinced we don't have relatives in China.

So my new blog is more just about my life journey in growing up & being able to take care of myself. I know that sounds ridiculous since I will be 35 next month, but better late than never. I truly hope to capture the real essence of my journey, but just to be honest there will be some posts that aren't as full of sunshine as I'd like them to be. Then again, life isn't always full of sunshine.

Oh & the reason for my new web address is this. I figure that in life we all strive to be our better selves. We need a little bit of that extra elbow room to change because change isn't always easy & it helps to be able to stretch out when we are in it. Let me rephrase : we are infinitely striving to be our better selves! So step aside peops, I am stretching out & reaching out for that elbow room to make change. What change shall unfold here.

Ok, done rambling. Going to go enjoy a lazy sunday.

xxoo!!