Raw Foods

Ok...so here we go again. I keep trying to learn to cook (I have actually been somewhat successful), but I keep getting this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I need to stay away from animal products. More than anything for these reasons: 1) I am lactose intolerant 2) Everytime I eat any animal meat, I literally taste the game & not the flavor. BLECH! It's like it just literally got plucked or butchered. More so than anything, I think it's a health thing too.

Here is where I get stuck. I am stepping into this with absolute uncertaintity if I am doing this correctly. Like, is this really the way I should be doing it? Are these detox symptoms or am I just not eating enough. Oh the flood (I am talking Noah's Ark flood) of questions that come through the pipe. I am not being lazy, just overly cautious. I do know this, whenever I eat fresh fruit, I feel alive. I don't feel tired. The hard part for me is veggies. Why the fuck are vegetables so hard to contend with!?!?

Sigh...This sadness thing is coming in waves now. I'll be okay & then BAM - I feel like I am in mourning. I Am going to get my head shrunk this weekend, so I'll post about how that goes.

On a good note, the weather here in TX has turned phenomenal!!! No a/c needed, just open windows :) Anyway, I guess I just have to put one foot in front of the other when it comes to food. Ok, well thanks for listening.

Asian

Hmph

Ok...I think I may have figured out a bit of my sadness...I think it's my grandfather's birthday. I really miss him. My Jewish grandparents were a huge part of my life growing up. It's just so weird to not get that birthday card or phone call. I don't know. I think there is still a lot of anger I need to work through as well. A lot has to do with my husband I think. Don't get me wrong, he is sweet as pie & treats me like a princess, but that doesn't mean he doesn't make mistakes. It's hard to not remember those mistakes sometimes. No cheating involved, just a lot of WHY?!?!?!?!

Sadness

I haven't written in months...Well, Yeah, Ok - I haven't really HAD anything to write about. Does anyone really care what I write anyway?! lol - I am truly just writing what I feel because typing is easier than writing these days.

So for some unknown reason, a huge wave of sorrow hit me today. It was about mid afternoon & for the life of me I can't figure out why. I don't have depression...I am thinking maybe it's a form of anger? It was such a huge hit, that I almost didn't go hang out with my family whom I absolutely love & adore. Could it be the death of old me? But why the fuck would I worry about her?!?!?!

I've been listening to music for the past two hours & I realize that my life has to revolve around music in some form. It truly makes the world go around. Ok, my point for bringing this up is it totally affects my mood!!!! Does that happen to you?! I have to admit, the music lover in me is incredibly bi-polar. Love all kinds (except country music - that is like scraping nails down a chalkboard for me). Ooooooooooooh...I think I am getting it. I need to stay unplugged. I just got back from vacation from Hawaii & didn't really have any ties to social media. That has to be it.

I've been reading books like they are going out of style. I forgot how much I love to read. Hmmm....I think this damn post is bi-polar. I am all over the place. But mostly I want to write about the sadness. I haven't felt this in eons. I don't have anything to be sad about unless it's something that is going to happen. Which could possibly be it. BUT with 80's music in the background how could I be sad?!?! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....Oh well...to be continued.

Peace!

Asian