Day 1

Took a CRT class & I could barely make it through, however, I am going to persevere. Fuck you FAT!!! It was funny though because you have to use a step & every time we did things where we popped our heels on the step I could feel everything from the waist down jiggle. So my goal is to have no more jiggle! I joined a gym last night & this time is for real bitches. About to eat some oatmeal & yogurt with some hot tea. I am so pissed off right now that this event that happened yesterday is fueling my drive. More on that later maybe.

Peace out!

Asian

Something very terrible happened on my way to work

I ran over my kitten :( My heart feels as heavy as a cement block. She had snuck into my garage as I was leaving for work & I had no clue she was there. It happened fast-as a matter of fact so fast that it took me a few minutes to realize what had happened. I feel awful for several reasons. One, I took this little creature's life (I know, it was an accident). Two, I took this little kitty from my husband who if you all don't know by now has the kindest heart & deepest soul. Three, I just feel awful that it happened. My head hurts & my heart aches. The vision of the poor thing as it was dying was so completely utterly shocking & awful :(

Folks, the only thing I can say is that that little kitty literally lived every little moment of her life to the fullest up until the end. I am sure she was being naughty & hiding because she knew she wasn't supposed to be in the garage in the first place. Her message to me was to live life to the fullest. She of all my animals is the only one who was always 'on'. I think may be time to turn my switch back to on, but for now I am going to allow myself to be sad & grieve.

With a heavy heart,

Asian

PS-I didn't make it into work...

Dear Body,

Please stop acting like an 85 year old. WTF? WEIGHT GAIN SUCKS. It just does. Not in the oh I can't wear cute clothes anymore, but the OMG I am so damn uncomfortable. My low back hurts, when I get out of bed & stand up, my ankles hurt. Sigh...Ladies, don't ever let yourself go! It's not worth it. No matter what is going on, take care of yourself!!!!

I have to openly admit that I am embarassed as hell about my appearance. There, I outted myself. I am supposed to be working on self love, but I am so bent out of shape about being out of shape I am not taking the time to do that. I am also realizing that I really still don't like working in a cubicle. Truly, that shit is for the birds. Caged birds. Can you tell I am cranky?!?!? I told my therapist that I am missing the grateful gene & she told me start realizing that I am taking steps to my success & also to enjoy the journey. Double sigh...

Plus it's so mother f%@%!*# hot here. WE NEVER GET A BREAK FROM THE HOT HUMID HEAT. Every day I step outside, it's like walking into an oven. I go on vacation in 3 weeks & cannot wait. We will be in cool Colorado (with a little stop in Vegas). I can't wait!!! I am going to pretend I am a billionaire & just live it up. Well, live it up in Vegas & then relax in Colorado.

Well my friends, I truly hope you all are doing well!!!

XXOO

Asian