Ok...so my friend Tex just posted on her blog about a friend going away. I am not sure what the circumstances are, but whatever it may be it's for a reason. Then I thought it so coincidental because I was just going through the same thing.
I have a friend who was my maid of honor at my wedding. We haven't seen each other since then - my wedding was 3 years ago. I've tried consistently to set up a visit to see her because I know she is busy & I am trying to get around her schedule. Every time I reach out to her, she makes up some really bullshit excuse as to why she doesn't want to hang out. I have broached her about this & she swears everything is cool between us. The kicker? She thinks I am completely dumb & none the wiser to her ways. I mean, I am sure she bitched about being my moh & in the end, one of my other bridesmaids ended up being a rock star at my wedding. I don't know, the energy just isn't the same. Her life is always full of drama & I love her for who she is, but I am done being rejected & ignored. Fuck it, life is too short to keep being shot down. She makes me feel like I am a burden to her. Why not just say what the fuck you mean?
For example, we went to the very first ACL Fest together & I haven't been since but she has. There have been a couple of times when I have asked her if she is going. Her response? 'Everyone is coming in for this & we have a full house.' Uh....ok. So I guess that's a yes? She automatically assumes that I am asking to stay with her & go together & she just starts rambling about other people & all the plans & who is staying where. It was something we shared & I asked her casually. Then, when she was going thru her divorce, I was there every weekend because I remembered how much it sucked to be alone when you go thru a big break up. I guess I became the expendable one. So, today, I am releasing & spring cleaning out my friend closet. Really she's the only one so far. But I am too old for this shit & life's too short.
So when do you draw the line? Threshold? As I've gotten older, my threshold has gotten a lot shorter. Sometimes I give up on mankind & just go it alone. Anyway, I am a bit bitter & need to write this out so I can let go & move on. I hope all of you have that very best friend that sticks with you through thick & thin. I have yet to find it. My husband is, but that's different. I need that good girlfriend. Sigh...oh well, maybe when I get a job & go back to school that will change :)
Well, have a great weekend party people!!!!
Friday, February 5, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Cleanliness is close to Godliness
I believe this statement to be true. My entire life I have been a slob. No two ways about it, just a big fat slob! Then I married a slob :) Let me clarify, we both love each other, support each other & have the exact same bad habits! I married myself-narcissistic yes, but it works. I don't know how many of you all feel this way, but when your house is messy don't you find your mind wondering over to that area of your life?
Here is a typical day for me (Pretend it's my thoughts talking out loud). Self: So I need to get up first thing & walk on treadmill while clearing out my dvr. Then I need to grocery shop (BLECH) & figure out what to eat. Hmmm...damn, the kitchen needs to be done & I still have to make sure Alex has clean underwear. Plus trash day is tomorrow & I should clean before they come. I think I need a nap, but must fight it. DAMN-now I'm hungry & hate the grocery store so I am just going to grab something to eat & then clean. After I clean, I can plan everything else. Reality: I ease out of bed, & sometimes get on the treadmill first thing in the morning. Sometimes I am too hungry & scrounge. Then I surf the net & waste all my time all the while the aforementioned thoughts still ramble thru my head. By the time I am ready to get stuff done Alex will be home. So the moral of my random thoughts is this - Get your shit done. Once your house is clean, then that never crosses your mind. You have freed up a LOT of time to exercise & meal plan or whatever. At least that is how it is in my situation.
Whatever I have been doing has not been working. Now, on to other things. I made it to the dreaded place this afternoon & to my surprise there were sales on everything. Kroger is where I went. Anyway, my point is this. I bought some (YES-BELIEVE!!) organic chicken legs for about $3.69. Why? The sell by date is tomorrow. So I can cook them up for dinner & have some leftovers. Kroger has manager's specials that will help keep your wallet nice & fat while slimming down your waist. I bought some frozen dinners - Weight Watchers ones on sale too! Moral of this story is that the grocery store has sales too. Look for the manager's specials & (what's the damn word I am looking for?!?!?!) items that they will no longer be selling.
Something else I am finding out is snacking is a God send. I usually want to eat the kitchen table so convenience is a huge thing for me. I have found that salsa (not organic yet-but will get there!) is a great filler. Some true corn chips & I am good to go. It gives me the satiety I need so I don't go through the drive - thru.
Well my friends, I have taken some baby steps & hopefully will be walking soon when it comes to the whole foods. I am going to follow weight watchers online to keep my portions in check & follow Marilu Henner's Total Health Makeover. Her stuff makes so much sense & I can give things up gradually instead of going batshit insane. Also-I took my adrenal gland test & should be seeing my naturopath in a couple of weeks for a follow up!
Peace out & Green Inside
Here is a typical day for me (Pretend it's my thoughts talking out loud). Self: So I need to get up first thing & walk on treadmill while clearing out my dvr. Then I need to grocery shop (BLECH) & figure out what to eat. Hmmm...damn, the kitchen needs to be done & I still have to make sure Alex has clean underwear. Plus trash day is tomorrow & I should clean before they come. I think I need a nap, but must fight it. DAMN-now I'm hungry & hate the grocery store so I am just going to grab something to eat & then clean. After I clean, I can plan everything else. Reality: I ease out of bed, & sometimes get on the treadmill first thing in the morning. Sometimes I am too hungry & scrounge. Then I surf the net & waste all my time all the while the aforementioned thoughts still ramble thru my head. By the time I am ready to get stuff done Alex will be home. So the moral of my random thoughts is this - Get your shit done. Once your house is clean, then that never crosses your mind. You have freed up a LOT of time to exercise & meal plan or whatever. At least that is how it is in my situation.
Whatever I have been doing has not been working. Now, on to other things. I made it to the dreaded place this afternoon & to my surprise there were sales on everything. Kroger is where I went. Anyway, my point is this. I bought some (YES-BELIEVE!!) organic chicken legs for about $3.69. Why? The sell by date is tomorrow. So I can cook them up for dinner & have some leftovers. Kroger has manager's specials that will help keep your wallet nice & fat while slimming down your waist. I bought some frozen dinners - Weight Watchers ones on sale too! Moral of this story is that the grocery store has sales too. Look for the manager's specials & (what's the damn word I am looking for?!?!?!) items that they will no longer be selling.
Something else I am finding out is snacking is a God send. I usually want to eat the kitchen table so convenience is a huge thing for me. I have found that salsa (not organic yet-but will get there!) is a great filler. Some true corn chips & I am good to go. It gives me the satiety I need so I don't go through the drive - thru.
Well my friends, I have taken some baby steps & hopefully will be walking soon when it comes to the whole foods. I am going to follow weight watchers online to keep my portions in check & follow Marilu Henner's Total Health Makeover. Her stuff makes so much sense & I can give things up gradually instead of going batshit insane. Also-I took my adrenal gland test & should be seeing my naturopath in a couple of weeks for a follow up!
Peace out & Green Inside
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Food Journey
So after my last post I realized that yes, I was a bit emotional, but it has sparked something inside me. The first thing I am going to do, is visit nearby supermarkets to see who carries what organic products, the local farmer's markets & pull out my vegan cookbooks.
Something else I'd like to do is learn how to grow a garden. This one might take a bit for me because I have no clue about that, but you have to start somewhere. So, I hope that my efforts will at least make another foot print towards believing in humanity again. I know, it's so dramatic, but I want the small farmer to survive. I want to feel my optimal health & know that if I ever have babies, they'll have a fighting chance in this world to have a healthy life. I want organic produce to be abundant on every corner. I know it won't be easy, but any little change ia good. For instance, I am now using vegenaise instead of mayonaise & I LOVE it. Tastes just like mayo & is 100% healthier. I am using Alicia Silverstone's The Kind Diet.
It's funny, now that I have energy I don't sleep all day so I need to find something to stimulate my mind. I can't think of anything better than working on going green!!!
That's it for now. Love you all!!!
Something else I'd like to do is learn how to grow a garden. This one might take a bit for me because I have no clue about that, but you have to start somewhere. So, I hope that my efforts will at least make another foot print towards believing in humanity again. I know, it's so dramatic, but I want the small farmer to survive. I want to feel my optimal health & know that if I ever have babies, they'll have a fighting chance in this world to have a healthy life. I want organic produce to be abundant on every corner. I know it won't be easy, but any little change ia good. For instance, I am now using vegenaise instead of mayonaise & I LOVE it. Tastes just like mayo & is 100% healthier. I am using Alicia Silverstone's The Kind Diet.
It's funny, now that I have energy I don't sleep all day so I need to find something to stimulate my mind. I can't think of anything better than working on going green!!!
That's it for now. Love you all!!!
Friday, January 29, 2010
Watching Food Inc.
It's really hard for me to express how I feel right now. I mean really, really hard to express. As a matter of fact I feel so overwhelmed I've been reduced to tears. If you've seen then you'll understand what I am about to say next. I am overwhelmed & reduced to tears because it just seems like no matter what I do in this world it won't matter. Why? Because the big corporations run everything. You have to watch & see why, but just bear with me. It's bad enough the horrible treatment the animals receive, but to genetically modify & push that crap into our foods & there are no consequences? The big corporation is in bed with the government. I know, it's all a matter of opinion at this point - but I am PISSED. I am sick to my stomach & I can't stop the tears. My heart feels heavy & I don't know what to do. Does it really matter what changes I make? I have to say, I feel like I've been duped & that our country doesn't give a fuck about the ecological consequences.
I have a new mission. So the gov't can do whatever the fuck it wants & the corporations can kill as many people as they want, but I am going to get a job to pay for turning my house green. Food first & then everything else. I don't care if I starve in the process. I am so pissed & hurt & sad & AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!
I have a new mission. So the gov't can do whatever the fuck it wants & the corporations can kill as many people as they want, but I am going to get a job to pay for turning my house green. Food first & then everything else. I don't care if I starve in the process. I am so pissed & hurt & sad & AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!
i don't know what to do
Sooooooooooo like I have all this normal energy & I have to say it rocks the casbah! It's been so long since i've felt normal :)!!!!
A cool thing or two that will result from this: (1) I will be able to wear a bikini by summertime (2) I will be able to wear a bikini by summertime...Yes, I have a goal!!! We were looking at Bora Bora for vacation but it's like $500 a night to stay there & that's like 3 star digs. So, it will either be England, Italy or New Zealand. Either way I want to look good & feel great for this trip! Alex will be traveling the world for work & racking up miles out the izz. So we'll be able to fly free.
I hopped on the treadmill this morning & would have kept going but my damn blind cat took a poop. Normally this isn't a problem, but since she is blind, when she poops she can't see to bury it so she doesn't even bother. Then the smell wafts into the house...BLECH!!! It interfered with my walk this morning...
Ok, I am going to use this insane energy to clean, clean, the house because we are road tripping to Plano tomorrow.
Peace out peops!!!
A cool thing or two that will result from this: (1) I will be able to wear a bikini by summertime (2) I will be able to wear a bikini by summertime...Yes, I have a goal!!! We were looking at Bora Bora for vacation but it's like $500 a night to stay there & that's like 3 star digs. So, it will either be England, Italy or New Zealand. Either way I want to look good & feel great for this trip! Alex will be traveling the world for work & racking up miles out the izz. So we'll be able to fly free.
I hopped on the treadmill this morning & would have kept going but my damn blind cat took a poop. Normally this isn't a problem, but since she is blind, when she poops she can't see to bury it so she doesn't even bother. Then the smell wafts into the house...BLECH!!! It interfered with my walk this morning...
Ok, I am going to use this insane energy to clean, clean, the house because we are road tripping to Plano tomorrow.
Peace out peops!!!
Thursday, January 28, 2010
so bored....
i don't think i've been this bored since my dad would take me on motorcycle business trips & since i was a kid really couldn't participate in anything.
i am also incredibly premenstrual...which i have found is not a really good time to join weight watchers - hahahaha. oh well, i am alloted 35 extra points for the week so i may just use them up today. i am doing this all online because the meetings i have found are for people who want to just talk. not all the meetings are like that, but the majority i have gone to in the past were like that & i wanted to pick my eyeballs out with forks by the end.
so i keep going back & forth on getting a job. i think i need to just chill & just be & realize that i am incredibly fortunate to not have to work. embrace it instead of fighting it because i know there are several people out there who are jobless. my own brother got laid off in december...but he is more of a grown up than me & has like 6 months of savings....
alex is about to leave the country in a couple of weeks & will be gone for a month. that is a really long time for us because we've never spent more than 3-4 nights apart. i hate it when he's not here at night, i can't sleep. but the reason i brought this up is he won't be a distraction either. the only time i will be putting on my personal trainer hat is for me. i weighed myself & cannot believe how fat i am. i am not beating myself up, but REALLY? how is that i let myself go? was life so horrible i forgot about myself? i guess the only thing i can truly do is one step at a time & move forward. the cool thing is with rewards points, i got myself a pedometer & a new scale (since mine is broken). so that was free kind of - lol!
anyway, this is what happens when I am bored. i guess i can get back on the treadmill & watch my dvr shows...well, i hope everyone is well!!
love you all!
i am also incredibly premenstrual...which i have found is not a really good time to join weight watchers - hahahaha. oh well, i am alloted 35 extra points for the week so i may just use them up today. i am doing this all online because the meetings i have found are for people who want to just talk. not all the meetings are like that, but the majority i have gone to in the past were like that & i wanted to pick my eyeballs out with forks by the end.
so i keep going back & forth on getting a job. i think i need to just chill & just be & realize that i am incredibly fortunate to not have to work. embrace it instead of fighting it because i know there are several people out there who are jobless. my own brother got laid off in december...but he is more of a grown up than me & has like 6 months of savings....
alex is about to leave the country in a couple of weeks & will be gone for a month. that is a really long time for us because we've never spent more than 3-4 nights apart. i hate it when he's not here at night, i can't sleep. but the reason i brought this up is he won't be a distraction either. the only time i will be putting on my personal trainer hat is for me. i weighed myself & cannot believe how fat i am. i am not beating myself up, but REALLY? how is that i let myself go? was life so horrible i forgot about myself? i guess the only thing i can truly do is one step at a time & move forward. the cool thing is with rewards points, i got myself a pedometer & a new scale (since mine is broken). so that was free kind of - lol!
anyway, this is what happens when I am bored. i guess i can get back on the treadmill & watch my dvr shows...well, i hope everyone is well!!
love you all!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Hmmmmm...
So my friend Tex & I have been chatting about blogging. SHE just moved her awewsomesauce Blog & has some really cool & upcoming blog stuff. So check her out when you can!
Also some of my friends are doing weight watchers. I go back & forth for doing that online because it is hands down one of the best online tools to use. Especially for points users, you are allotted a certain amount of points & u just plug in what you ate & voila - the pounds melt off. But, I don't want to pay $$.. Hahahaha. I don't know, I've been really wishy washy with that stuff. All I can say for now is that I am HAPPY. I haven't felt truly happy in a really long time.
Do you remember the last time you really felt happy? For some it's an every day occurance, for others it seems to be a struggle. I plan on using this new found happiness to get my bikini body back. I know, I've talked a lot of shizz about getting back in shape, but I FINALLY have the energy to do so. HALLELUJAH!!!!
Oh & this totally random, but I HAVE to post this!!!! Ok, so when we first moved into my neighborhood we had a really sweet welcome from our immediate neighbors. Then we got SNUBBED. I mean, it was bad - they would not wave or look up when I walked outside or drove by. So finally instead of being nice, a few days ago I said FUCK it. I am just going to do my thing because quite frankly I think 99% of people are annoying. There are a LOT of sheep that live in Texas & it is just annoying. Anyway, I got an email out of the blue from a neighbor who snubbed me. Not only did she apologize for being a bad neighbor but she invited me to this. Anyone who knows me, knows I don't like dressing up & Being froo froo. At first I was scared they were going to throw bible verses at me & scorn me for not having children, but then I started looking & realized there are other groups within this group. So I think I will give it a chance, but my husband made fun of me and said I was going to be a Stepford wife. The way I see it, it's a social outlet for me that is way long overdue. And in actuality, my husband thinks I should join.
So that's about it. Hubby & I are ROCKING it as a couple & things are falling into place. I hope everyone is doing well & Hopefully I'll have more interesting things to talk about.
Love you all!!!
Also some of my friends are doing weight watchers. I go back & forth for doing that online because it is hands down one of the best online tools to use. Especially for points users, you are allotted a certain amount of points & u just plug in what you ate & voila - the pounds melt off. But, I don't want to pay $$.. Hahahaha. I don't know, I've been really wishy washy with that stuff. All I can say for now is that I am HAPPY. I haven't felt truly happy in a really long time.
Do you remember the last time you really felt happy? For some it's an every day occurance, for others it seems to be a struggle. I plan on using this new found happiness to get my bikini body back. I know, I've talked a lot of shizz about getting back in shape, but I FINALLY have the energy to do so. HALLELUJAH!!!!
Oh & this totally random, but I HAVE to post this!!!! Ok, so when we first moved into my neighborhood we had a really sweet welcome from our immediate neighbors. Then we got SNUBBED. I mean, it was bad - they would not wave or look up when I walked outside or drove by. So finally instead of being nice, a few days ago I said FUCK it. I am just going to do my thing because quite frankly I think 99% of people are annoying. There are a LOT of sheep that live in Texas & it is just annoying. Anyway, I got an email out of the blue from a neighbor who snubbed me. Not only did she apologize for being a bad neighbor but she invited me to this. Anyone who knows me, knows I don't like dressing up & Being froo froo. At first I was scared they were going to throw bible verses at me & scorn me for not having children, but then I started looking & realized there are other groups within this group. So I think I will give it a chance, but my husband made fun of me and said I was going to be a Stepford wife. The way I see it, it's a social outlet for me that is way long overdue. And in actuality, my husband thinks I should join.
So that's about it. Hubby & I are ROCKING it as a couple & things are falling into place. I hope everyone is doing well & Hopefully I'll have more interesting things to talk about.
Love you all!!!
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