Indian Dream

Ok, so I don't know the technical term, but you know how in the movies when you see an Indian tribe and the young warrior is approached by the shaman (ok, now I really don't know if I am crossreferencing between ethnicities, but bear with me) and the shaman does a dance & chants & smoke is flairing up from the fire & then all of a sudden he stops & says 'It's time.' Then the young warrior puts on his war paint, gathers his things & then heads off on a journey? (Kind of like walkabout). I had one of those dreams last night. It was a very short dream, but yet so powerful. Before I tell you what my dream was, I have to tell you that I had a really good session with my therapist. Annette truly is helping me change my life! But what we did was figure out a bunch of things (too m any to list) & we did a LOT of EFT. So I started to feel woozy (this is when I know it is starting to work) kind of like I was drunk & felt like slurring my words. My body was releasing at a cellular level. Happy Head person said take a nap & when you wake up go to the grocery store & buy a rotissiere chicken & sugar free jello.

I didn't really fall asleep, but I did drag my ass to the grocery store. It wasn't bad at all. I usually hate that place & dread it, but it wasn't that bad at all. I even picked up some extra food for me to eat when I am at home. Anyway, so I went to bed later that evening & here is my dream: 'I opened up my dryer & my shower shoes for the gym were sparkly & shiny. My husband's work shoes were in there too & when I pulled them out they were worn, dull & gray.' In my dream, I looked at my shoes & said to myself, 'It's time.' Before you commit me to the looney bin, let me explain. For about the past 3 weeks I have been bogged down with horrible headaches. I mean knock you out they were there day & night I was miserable & would rather have eaten mud pies. So of course I never made it to the gym because I thought for sure I was dying. This weekend my headaches finally went away, but my will to get up & at it kind of had just gotten up & left (of course until I had spoken to happy head person). I had been hemming & hawing about working out during lunch & then having to shower, but when I saw my shower shoes all sparkly & new & ready to be used I knew it was time to get off my ass & do something.

I woke up this morning & felt 10 pounds lighter. I packed up all my stuff for my gym locker & went to work. Work was HELL! But I made it through ok & it was because my energy had shifted. I also got weighed in for a Pound for Pound challenge at work. Oh, I forgot to mention that my gym is literally across a breezeway from my office. So I will totally have time to workout. Uhm, yeah so I dropped all my stuff off & then went back to work & did not work out. BUT, I did get my stuff to my locker & that's a start. Tomorrow, it's me & the gym!

So I think I'll go to bed early tonight. Just feeling that...

PEACE OUT!

Asian

When in doubt, Blog...

So I can't sleep right now. It's about 10 til 11 pm & I should be asleep. I actually have to work in the morning while everyone else is sleeping in & getting ready for bar-b-ques & laying by the pool. I am ok with working, just that all of a sudden I have become overwhelmed with this feeling of sadness. I am not sure why. Things are in good order. I mean, I let my hair air dry today & I look like Justin Beiber, but other than that I think things are good.

I have my t.v. on a sleep timer because when my husband is away I can't sleep. I am not sure if I ever blogged about this, but I have sleep paralysis. It FREAKS me out & I never know when I am going to get it. The last time I remember (not sure of the time frame) is I thought I was screaming, but only a whimper was coming out. My husband started stroking my hair because he happened to be awake while I was whimpering. Thank God for that! It started in college & rears its freaky head ever so often, but I don't know what triggers it. & yes, I do have the hallucinations. Maybe I should take a sleeping pill...

Right now my blind fat cat Patches is sleeping with me keeping me company along with my Glock 40 snubnose :)

My headaches have subsided, but I am leary of what is going to happen once I get to work.

You know, something dawned on me today. This whole anxiety with food & the extra weight & the self loathing is all due to me. What I mean by that is that if I actually get going & get started, the quicker I'll be closer to what I want. So why (as my friend Tex would say) in the Ricky Bell Hell am I wating around?!!? Baby steps as far as I am concerned. I know that wasn't some ahhhhhhhhhhhhh moment, but it's true. No one else can make me feel bad except myself.

Well, I guess that's it. Short post, but it's helping me get sleepy. Nighty nite y'all.

xxoo

Asian