Back to the Old Title

I think I am going to change my blog back to Totally in the Raw. It will mean that I am just writing from the heart & keeping it raw & real ;)

Also-I wanted to say that the Universe is a kind place. I desperately wanted to get into this nutrition program & I was feeling a sense of urgency (it starts Monday) which was making me anxious. So I consulted Tex and she said I needed to talk to her psychic. I was kind of freaked out about this because from what Tex has said, the psychic will rock my world. So I tentatively put in for a call back & waited like a kid the night before Christmas & well...nothing. I was bummed because I was looking for any way to give me a sign. Even Tex saw my tweet & pulled over so she could consult her laptop & to her dismay saw that the psychic was away. Love Tex so much!!!! She called me & made sure everything was ok. I was still sad as I knew that time was running out...I get off the phone with Tex & not 20 minutes later did the Ultimate Happy Head person call me :) I totally stole Happy Head person from Tex.

Even though we didn't have a consultation today, she just happened to call when I felt the most bewildered. It turns out that she is not only a therapist (she's actually more than this, but it's too much for me to remember to type), she is a psychic! The universe must have said it wasn't time for me to spend time with first psychic, but all in one happy head person instead. We talked for a bit & I have my first phone consultation. Tex has told me this lady will help me change my life. I look forward to a newer & happier life. The coolest thing yet, is she told me I would only need 3-6 sessions-That is How Good she is supposed to be!!!

I felt really at peace when I talked to HHP. Then my brother called & we had a long talk about monter in law & in laws in general. He helped me to gain a better perspective on how to handle & act, etc. I guess sometimes you just need to talk to someone else. My brother is the coolest of big brothers & I have always sought out his advice. I never thought about seeking advice for my own family stuff. Just an overall great day!!!! Things are happening & happening in a great way.

I really look forward to the next couple of months & what is to come. No pressure about weight or anything. My trainer is the coolest too!! had a quick chat with her. She said no kickboxing either!!! can u imagine?

Well-have a fantabulous day peops!!

Peace!

Anger Management

So, universally everything seems to be going ok for me. Nothing too great & nothing too bad. However, lately me & the hubman have been doing nothing but fighting about his family. He says that I don't act like myself around them & that's because I feel incredibly uncomfortable around them. I don't like being around crazy or hurtful. I mean, call me crazy, but wtf?

He says I hold onto things & really all that is for me is a process. I am one to hold onto hurt simply until I can let it go. I don't do it on purpose. I am just built this way. Is it the healthiest way? Probably not, but I also don't pull emotions out of thin air just to be an asshole. If you really know me, I am a pretty cool chick. I am not like many girls, I like to play rough & tumble & still look hot doing it. I grew up in a motorcycle shop & have an older brother. My parents have always been equal opportunists for both kids & have always been supportive. They give us our space & are there when we need them. How much cooler can that get? They don't lean on us or depend on us for anything, they let us be kids. How could I not turn out decent? I'd get my ass kicked solely by my family if I didn't.

Fast forward to the present. The reason I am so standoffish with the in-laws is that I am just not comfortable around them anymore. He says I focus on the negative...weeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllll....quite honestly I welcomed them with open arms when we started dating. I mean full on open arms. Take a shit on me - don't expect me to come back for seconds. That's with pretty much anyone or anything in my life.

So is it fair for him to say this? Maybe. Is it fair for me to be pissed & still not want to see them ever again? Maybe. But my point is that why should I have to act a certain way when I don't ask for this crazy shit? Why should I be the one who has to compromise when I don't compromise kindly with liars? Or, who says I have to not be me? I don't like that at all. It's a HUGE source of contention between us. I get incredibly pissed in the fact that I am even put in any fucked up situation simply because there wouldn't be a situation simply if we weren't in the same room ever. Or maybe I wouldn't get so pissed off just because I think a mother should truly love a child unconditionally & care that he is upset instead of wallowing in her own shit that she chose to do. I am the only sense of true normalcy he has, but maybe not. Maybe his fam is the norm & I am the weird fucked up part because I am normal?

He tells me to speak up. What?!?!?! Why should I even have to is my point. So ok, it's not awkward to have to put your in laws in their place? What the fuck ever. I mean truly-I am not sure what to do. Fine, I'll be myself, but it will be someone who tells it like it is because I have always been that way. Always! Whatever, I am one pissed off Asian right now & really feel like going kung fu on his ass. Tonight we were supposed to talk about my venture into my new nutrition program :( but the energy is so fucked up between us that I don't want to put that out there in the negative light.

Oh well...Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Ducks in a Row

So I had an assessment done by my guru's equal today. I knew that Coach Kimmie would do right by me :) There are few people in my industry that I trust & she falls into the Trust category. The cool thing is that she doesn't just do the standard sit & reach test. She lays you down on your back & you just start to relax. She's totally sizing you up!! What I mean by that is she is looking for muscle imbalances & weakness. So pretty much I have all kinds of misalignments due to muscle weaknesses. She had me do a balance test in the beginning & I was all over the place!!! It was pretty funny looking. By the end of the session after she had me do all kinds of core & rehab exercises, I was completely stable (Insert the AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaah light here).

In a nutshell she told me I so shouldn't be doing CrossFit but that I can do regular strength training & I need to be walking 3 miles a day 5 x's a week. How do you like them apples? Better yet, how do I like them apples? I like it a lot! As a trainer, I want to be like Coach Kimmie. She is so knowledgeable & isn't just a counter of reps. I have mad respect for her. She told me to go to my island & I love that. She's right. She said to stop reading & overloading myself with information. As a person, intuitively I knew stuff was wrong with me. I could just feel it. So I have the next 6-8 weeks before I can turn my hardcore working out on. Which is ok. I finally have an answer &I feel good.

So tomorrow morning it begins! I will be walking my arse off. Oh!! About all my ducks in a row-now I have the workout part in control, I have found the nutrition aspect, I just need to manifest some $$ for it. My trainer is m'f'n expensive!!! So I am feeling a bit more calm about everything & feel like I am getting all my ducks in a row...So excited!!!

Peace!!!

Relief

Ok-things have been settled with monster-in-law. Peace is now reigning over our household :)

Other than that, I am just recovering from workout related injuries. I have an appointment with a trainer that is going to do a full assessment on me & see where my muscle imbalances lie, etc. She is an equal to my mentor & at this point, I just need help! I wish i could diagnose my own stuff, but it's out of my scope. Know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away!!!

Anyway, thanks for bearing with me in my crazy in-lawness. Tomorrow, listening to my body, walking, weight lifting...We'll see what tomorrow brings!!

Peace!