Anger Management

So, universally everything seems to be going ok for me. Nothing too great & nothing too bad. However, lately me & the hubman have been doing nothing but fighting about his family. He says that I don't act like myself around them & that's because I feel incredibly uncomfortable around them. I don't like being around crazy or hurtful. I mean, call me crazy, but wtf?

He says I hold onto things & really all that is for me is a process. I am one to hold onto hurt simply until I can let it go. I don't do it on purpose. I am just built this way. Is it the healthiest way? Probably not, but I also don't pull emotions out of thin air just to be an asshole. If you really know me, I am a pretty cool chick. I am not like many girls, I like to play rough & tumble & still look hot doing it. I grew up in a motorcycle shop & have an older brother. My parents have always been equal opportunists for both kids & have always been supportive. They give us our space & are there when we need them. How much cooler can that get? They don't lean on us or depend on us for anything, they let us be kids. How could I not turn out decent? I'd get my ass kicked solely by my family if I didn't.

Fast forward to the present. The reason I am so standoffish with the in-laws is that I am just not comfortable around them anymore. He says I focus on the negative...weeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllll....quite honestly I welcomed them with open arms when we started dating. I mean full on open arms. Take a shit on me - don't expect me to come back for seconds. That's with pretty much anyone or anything in my life.

So is it fair for him to say this? Maybe. Is it fair for me to be pissed & still not want to see them ever again? Maybe. But my point is that why should I have to act a certain way when I don't ask for this crazy shit? Why should I be the one who has to compromise when I don't compromise kindly with liars? Or, who says I have to not be me? I don't like that at all. It's a HUGE source of contention between us. I get incredibly pissed in the fact that I am even put in any fucked up situation simply because there wouldn't be a situation simply if we weren't in the same room ever. Or maybe I wouldn't get so pissed off just because I think a mother should truly love a child unconditionally & care that he is upset instead of wallowing in her own shit that she chose to do. I am the only sense of true normalcy he has, but maybe not. Maybe his fam is the norm & I am the weird fucked up part because I am normal?

He tells me to speak up. What?!?!?! Why should I even have to is my point. So ok, it's not awkward to have to put your in laws in their place? What the fuck ever. I mean truly-I am not sure what to do. Fine, I'll be myself, but it will be someone who tells it like it is because I have always been that way. Always! Whatever, I am one pissed off Asian right now & really feel like going kung fu on his ass. Tonight we were supposed to talk about my venture into my new nutrition program :( but the energy is so fucked up between us that I don't want to put that out there in the negative light.

Oh well...Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.