All the Women Independent...Throw Your Hands up at Me!

Remember when Destiny's Child sang that song for Charlie's Angels? I REALLY Love it when chicks kick ass in movies. It makes me want to be just like them. I visualize me in my rock hard body whoopin' some ass! At one point in time I used the phrase 'Work hard / Play hard!' Which I actually did do. I completed a sprint triathlon & ran my first 5k. Quite honestly, I hate to run. Not a big fan at all. It hurts & then I don' get far. But I do remember feeling great for being able to run ok, jog the entire 5k. Really I realize that ya just need to move your body to feel great. Regardless what your MO is for doing it.

So I am reading this great book about busting your vices. I like the way she writes & guides you through some lifestyle changes. For instance, she pegs the top 3 vices that keep people from losing weight. You ready to hear them? Drum roll please.........1) Soft Drinks 2) Fast Food 3) t.v. I was like, damn, is this chick stalking me?!?! How does she know this? So she gets you to take out a vice one week at a time. I am going to try this as my MOJO is back! I am a better version of my old self, I just need to get my oustide to match my inside. My man is leaving for a month :( for a business trip & I am going to be all alone. I really look at it though to recalibrate my bad habits into good ones & get my arse moving. But I am still going to miss him. I know sleeping will be hard to do.....

Well all my independent Ladies, get out there & move yo body! One step at a time.

xxoo

I am so Drunk...with Love & Compassion

So I think I finally know what it is like for someone who does drugs & gets that instant high. I've never done drugs (they scare me!) & I don't drink. BUT, my assumption is that what I am feeling is like a hit of heroin. I feel so amazing that if I could shoot this feeling into my veins I'd probably do it every day.



I had a visit with my amazingly Awesomesauce incredibly Dazzling beautiful Loving Therapist & FINALLY had a real emotional release. I won't go into details, but I just have to say this: I get a gold star for accomplishing something & truly passing through to the other side. I can't even form sentences & literally am slurring my speech because the release was that intense & that real. I truly feel drunk & high at the same time & can finally say THIS is what it's supposed to feel like. I think I have a lot of great shizz coming my way & I am stepping out of my way & getting it done! Ok, I am too wooozy to type anymore.

Love to all!!!

Going Green

So I posted a while back about my mission to go green. Starting with food. It literally is baby steps. I mean one thing at a time. The one thing I have done is I have gone pretty much 99% organic. Anything that is cooked is organic & can I tell you it makes a huge difference in taste & how I feel? The coffee even tastes cleaner. The strange thing is this, whenever I eat a healthy meal, I instantly get sick. I mean nauseated & have to lie down. If I eat a junk meal, I am bouncing around the room fine. Am I that TOXIC?!?! I think I have to go through dr. grose's First Line Therapy. I'll know more tomorrow morning. Speaking of, my third round of progesteron starts on the 16th. We'll see how that goes. Again, my energy has been wishy washy again.

Woke up with all kinds of congestion. I can't imagine why...It's finally a nice day out. So the job hunt is so/so. I am trying to figure out if I want to work for a year & clear out all debt & then retire permanently, or kick it & get by. I am seeing my happy heard person tomorrow so she'll be able to help point me in the right direction. I wanted to stop, but i think one more visit can't hurt!

Oh! Happy Valentine's Day to everyone!!! We are not ones to celebrate, but for those who do more power to ya :) I hope everyone is surrounded by the peple they love every day!

Hugs!!!

Follow Up Dr.'s Visit

So I just got back from a wonderful sushi lunch with my man. That was after I went to see Dr. Grose. She so reminds me of my mother I want to squeeze her so tight every time I see her! Anyway, I got the test results for my adrenal gland test & that baby is in overdrive! I wish I had a working scanner because I'd scan my results to be able explain it better. I think the gist of it is this, that my cortisol levels are off the charts so my adrenal gland is working over drive. I am not able to turn my brain off so I am using up all this energy with my wondering thoughts. Remember a couple of posts ago when I said how my thought processes go? Now I know why. The strange thing is, it says I am stressed out, but I don't feel stressed out because my body is used to it. She even told me that if the supplements she gave me didn't work, then I'd need to work towards something like meditation to calm my brain down. Oh & she told me that the melatonin in our bodies kicks in at 1 am & I have to be asleep by 11 pm. Two hours prior to meatonin, we should be asleep. I am a night owl & can't turn my brain off & she said that is affecting my stress levels as well.

She put me on probiotics & a vitamin b complex. Then she told me to take 4000 ius of vitamin d instead of the 2500 I'd been taking. Again, she emptied out my wallet. But I firmly believe I will get healthier & in the long run this won't be so expensive. We are staying on the progesterone plan as well. As soon as I save up some benjamins, I am going to go to her nutritionist. They do a whole body plan - blood panel to start & then counseling.

I truly am glad that I reconnected with Dr. Grose. She is amazing! I am excited to be figuring this whole health thing out. Well, I am going to take a nap. It's one of those cold rainy days :)


Hugs & Peace!!!

Sugar

I'm convinced that sugar is the devil. I may have mentioned this before. It's right up there with my sister-in-law & Bin Laden. It's so addictive. I think in the past I let myself get wrapped up in the emotional eating that when I try to leave sugar, I come back like an abused wife. It's awful. I get horrible headaches & nausea if I don't get it. Maybe it's more like crack. Whatever it is, I think it's probably best if I let it go.

Not sure what is going on, but my energy slumps are back. I took like two naps today & slept til 10 am this morning. I need to call my dr. tomorrow & set up an appointment. Ugh...I can't afford her right now though. Also I am a bit worried because I think the lymph node under my right armpit is a bit swollen & tender to the touch. Yeah...probably need to get that checked out.

Anyway, my life is about as boring as it can get. Just checking in...

Peace & Love!

Spring Cleaning out my Friend Closet

Ok...so my friend Tex just posted on her blog about a friend going away. I am not sure what the circumstances are, but whatever it may be it's for a reason. Then I thought it so coincidental because I was just going through the same thing.

I have a friend who was my maid of honor at my wedding. We haven't seen each other since then - my wedding was 3 years ago. I've tried consistently to set up a visit to see her because I know she is busy & I am trying to get around her schedule. Every time I reach out to her, she makes up some really bullshit excuse as to why she doesn't want to hang out. I have broached her about this & she swears everything is cool between us. The kicker? She thinks I am completely dumb & none the wiser to her ways. I mean, I am sure she bitched about being my moh & in the end, one of my other bridesmaids ended up being a rock star at my wedding. I don't know, the energy just isn't the same. Her life is always full of drama & I love her for who she is, but I am done being rejected & ignored. Fuck it, life is too short to keep being shot down. She makes me feel like I am a burden to her. Why not just say what the fuck you mean?

For example, we went to the very first ACL Fest together & I haven't been since but she has. There have been a couple of times when I have asked her if she is going. Her response? 'Everyone is coming in for this & we have a full house.' Uh....ok. So I guess that's a yes? She automatically assumes that I am asking to stay with her & go together & she just starts rambling about other people & all the plans & who is staying where. It was something we shared & I asked her casually. Then, when she was going thru her divorce, I was there every weekend because I remembered how much it sucked to be alone when you go thru a big break up. I guess I became the expendable one. So, today, I am releasing & spring cleaning out my friend closet. Really she's the only one so far. But I am too old for this shit & life's too short.

So when do you draw the line? Threshold? As I've gotten older, my threshold has gotten a lot shorter. Sometimes I give up on mankind & just go it alone. Anyway, I am a bit bitter & need to write this out so I can let go & move on. I hope all of you have that very best friend that sticks with you through thick & thin. I have yet to find it. My husband is, but that's different. I need that good girlfriend. Sigh...oh well, maybe when I get a job & go back to school that will change :)

Well, have a great weekend party people!!!!

Cleanliness is close to Godliness

I believe this statement to be true. My entire life I have been a slob. No two ways about it, just a big fat slob! Then I married a slob :) Let me clarify, we both love each other, support each other & have the exact same bad habits! I married myself-narcissistic yes, but it works. I don't know how many of you all feel this way, but when your house is messy don't you find your mind wondering over to that area of your life?

Here is a typical day for me (Pretend it's my thoughts talking out loud). Self: So I need to get up first thing & walk on treadmill while clearing out my dvr. Then I need to grocery shop (BLECH) & figure out what to eat. Hmmm...damn, the kitchen needs to be done & I still have to make sure Alex has clean underwear. Plus trash day is tomorrow & I should clean before they come. I think I need a nap, but must fight it. DAMN-now I'm hungry & hate the grocery store so I am just going to grab something to eat & then clean. After I clean, I can plan everything else. Reality: I ease out of bed, & sometimes get on the treadmill first thing in the morning. Sometimes I am too hungry & scrounge. Then I surf the net & waste all my time all the while the aforementioned thoughts still ramble thru my head. By the time I am ready to get stuff done Alex will be home. So the moral of my random thoughts is this - Get your shit done. Once your house is clean, then that never crosses your mind. You have freed up a LOT of time to exercise & meal plan or whatever. At least that is how it is in my situation.

Whatever I have been doing has not been working. Now, on to other things. I made it to the dreaded place this afternoon & to my surprise there were sales on everything. Kroger is where I went. Anyway, my point is this. I bought some (YES-BELIEVE!!) organic chicken legs for about $3.69. Why? The sell by date is tomorrow. So I can cook them up for dinner & have some leftovers. Kroger has manager's specials that will help keep your wallet nice & fat while slimming down your waist. I bought some frozen dinners - Weight Watchers ones on sale too! Moral of this story is that the grocery store has sales too. Look for the manager's specials & (what's the damn word I am looking for?!?!?!) items that they will no longer be selling.

Something else I am finding out is snacking is a God send. I usually want to eat the kitchen table so convenience is a huge thing for me. I have found that salsa (not organic yet-but will get there!) is a great filler. Some true corn chips & I am good to go. It gives me the satiety I need so I don't go through the drive - thru.

Well my friends, I have taken some baby steps & hopefully will be walking soon when it comes to the whole foods. I am going to follow weight watchers online to keep my portions in check & follow Marilu Henner's Total Health Makeover. Her stuff makes so much sense & I can give things up gradually instead of going batshit insane. Also-I took my adrenal gland test & should be seeing my naturopath in a couple of weeks for a follow up!

Peace out & Green Inside