Indian Dream

Ok, so I don't know the technical term, but you know how in the movies when you see an Indian tribe and the young warrior is approached by the shaman (ok, now I really don't know if I am crossreferencing between ethnicities, but bear with me) and the shaman does a dance & chants & smoke is flairing up from the fire & then all of a sudden he stops & says 'It's time.' Then the young warrior puts on his war paint, gathers his things & then heads off on a journey? (Kind of like walkabout). I had one of those dreams last night. It was a very short dream, but yet so powerful. Before I tell you what my dream was, I have to tell you that I had a really good session with my therapist. Annette truly is helping me change my life! But what we did was figure out a bunch of things (too m any to list) & we did a LOT of EFT. So I started to feel woozy (this is when I know it is starting to work) kind of like I was drunk & felt like slurring my words. My body was releasing at a cellular level. Happy Head person said take a nap & when you wake up go to the grocery store & buy a rotissiere chicken & sugar free jello.

I didn't really fall asleep, but I did drag my ass to the grocery store. It wasn't bad at all. I usually hate that place & dread it, but it wasn't that bad at all. I even picked up some extra food for me to eat when I am at home. Anyway, so I went to bed later that evening & here is my dream: 'I opened up my dryer & my shower shoes for the gym were sparkly & shiny. My husband's work shoes were in there too & when I pulled them out they were worn, dull & gray.' In my dream, I looked at my shoes & said to myself, 'It's time.' Before you commit me to the looney bin, let me explain. For about the past 3 weeks I have been bogged down with horrible headaches. I mean knock you out they were there day & night I was miserable & would rather have eaten mud pies. So of course I never made it to the gym because I thought for sure I was dying. This weekend my headaches finally went away, but my will to get up & at it kind of had just gotten up & left (of course until I had spoken to happy head person). I had been hemming & hawing about working out during lunch & then having to shower, but when I saw my shower shoes all sparkly & new & ready to be used I knew it was time to get off my ass & do something.

I woke up this morning & felt 10 pounds lighter. I packed up all my stuff for my gym locker & went to work. Work was HELL! But I made it through ok & it was because my energy had shifted. I also got weighed in for a Pound for Pound challenge at work. Oh, I forgot to mention that my gym is literally across a breezeway from my office. So I will totally have time to workout. Uhm, yeah so I dropped all my stuff off & then went back to work & did not work out. BUT, I did get my stuff to my locker & that's a start. Tomorrow, it's me & the gym!

So I think I'll go to bed early tonight. Just feeling that...

PEACE OUT!

Asian

When in doubt, Blog...

So I can't sleep right now. It's about 10 til 11 pm & I should be asleep. I actually have to work in the morning while everyone else is sleeping in & getting ready for bar-b-ques & laying by the pool. I am ok with working, just that all of a sudden I have become overwhelmed with this feeling of sadness. I am not sure why. Things are in good order. I mean, I let my hair air dry today & I look like Justin Beiber, but other than that I think things are good.

I have my t.v. on a sleep timer because when my husband is away I can't sleep. I am not sure if I ever blogged about this, but I have sleep paralysis. It FREAKS me out & I never know when I am going to get it. The last time I remember (not sure of the time frame) is I thought I was screaming, but only a whimper was coming out. My husband started stroking my hair because he happened to be awake while I was whimpering. Thank God for that! It started in college & rears its freaky head ever so often, but I don't know what triggers it. & yes, I do have the hallucinations. Maybe I should take a sleeping pill...

Right now my blind fat cat Patches is sleeping with me keeping me company along with my Glock 40 snubnose :)

My headaches have subsided, but I am leary of what is going to happen once I get to work.

You know, something dawned on me today. This whole anxiety with food & the extra weight & the self loathing is all due to me. What I mean by that is that if I actually get going & get started, the quicker I'll be closer to what I want. So why (as my friend Tex would say) in the Ricky Bell Hell am I wating around?!!? Baby steps as far as I am concerned. I know that wasn't some ahhhhhhhhhhhhh moment, but it's true. No one else can make me feel bad except myself.

Well, I guess that's it. Short post, but it's helping me get sleepy. Nighty nite y'all.

xxoo

Asian

Holy Headache Batman

Ok so like my soul is willing & ready to do right by my body, but my body just won't catch up. I have been suffering horribly from headaches. I mean the kind where it feels like there are two eye sized plungers plunging my eyes out of my head. So much pain. I have failed miserably at work because I can't concentrate & well the people in Canada are just assholes *wil blog more on that in another post. Stupid America's hat hating on me.

I am bummed because my husband is out of town & I have all this free time wasted to the crippling effects of stupid headaches. 3 weeks in counting...

But I am doing a cleanse tomorrow (it's only 12 hours - WOOHOO!!!) Happy head person said I need to get rid of yeast in my body & drink my water. I have been so bad about everything. I am not down on myself, just being honest. Something kind of wicked cool my trainer did...She must have been really concerned about my headaches & manipulated my scapula & shoulder & popped the head of my humerus bone back into the socket. When I woke up this morning it was like I was just 4 weeks out of surgery & back in physical therapy. All day today my shoulder was tired...Very strange sensation.

Anyway, I am sorry things aren't so exciting right now. I hope everyone is having fun & enjoying life!!!

Hugs!!

Asian

It's a blog affair

So does anyone remember that song by Madonna called Keep it Together? I don't know why that song keeps popping up in my head, but it's all about life being a family affair & keeping it together - meaning, no matter what happens in life you got to keep the family together!!! Which poses an interesting insight to me.

What is family to you? For some people, it's the people who biologically created you & raised you along with any siblings you may have. Or it may be the people you surround yourself with every day & not necessarily a blood relative. Point in case -I absolutely love & adore my family, but I absolutely love my true friends & they might as well be my family because I'd do anything for them.

I really think that if my husband had a choice, he wouldn't claim his family at all (trust me, we've talked about this). But I really don't know what I'd do without my friend Tex. The reason I bring her up is that she makes me appreciate the fact that I have her in my life. Not in the she calls me up & tells me to appreciate her kind of way, but in the & I quote 'Hey, are you ever going to blog again? I know you have stuff going on in your life!' I love & appreciate her & the question because it makes me feel like I am important to more than one person other than my calico cats. Plus I just treasure our friendship.

Also, my friend Melissa will email me or call me & let me know she read my blog. Insert HUGE HAPPY FACE. She cares enough to stay in contact & I can say for sure that Melissa is one cool cat that I would love to have in my life for a very long time. I blog to release & I am finally enjoying it. Granted I have been working full time & don't really get to get on here as much. It's like I am having a blog affair! You know? Or does it seem like I am just rambling?

Ok, ok what I mean is it's like Madonna says, it's a family affair. But in this case it's a blog affair! I love it!!!! I am keeping it together because I know outside my blood relatives I have amy blog/true friends family.

So other things...Husband is leaving for Africa (yes I said Africa) next week. He'll be traveling to the Congo (but then jumping on an oil rig), the Canary Islands (wtf? yes, i am jealous about this one) & then Cairo (as in Egypt). Holy Crazy Travels Batman! That's ok, with my mad play money that I am making, I plan on catching up to him.

Work is awesome. I love it! I've had stupid sinus infections for the past 1.5 weeks, but finally broke down & got some good drugs to alleviate that. Still working out with a trainer but failing miserably with my food! That's ok, my happy head person is steering in the right direction. I think that's about it my Loves! I hope all is well with everyone!!!

XXOO

Asian

For Shizzle

I just like saying that! Thank you Snoop Dog!!! So my life finally has structure..well sort of. I get up every morning at 5:30 am, get ready for work, go to work, workout ever so often & then come home. Rinse & repeat.

The difference is this, I enjoy it :) Yay! I really enjoy being part of something & making my OWN money. It's empowering. The only thing I am workin on is getting my outside to match my inside. This time around I am actually doing what I say. Tee hee...Ok, the food is still a struggle, but I have been meeting with my trainer twice a week & just joined a gym. OMG. The gym I joined, these old bitties are BITCHES. Like they own the damn gym. I am like, really? Bitch, I just have push on your collar bone & it will crack. Then I laugh because it's SO absurd.

Anyway, I have a goal finally for my weight release. June 12th. A bunch of my old high school friends are getting together & having a Mumu party. Ha! yeah, so my trainer told me I have to kick it up to 5-6 days a week to put a dent in my goals. Wish me luck!

I would write more, but I am so effen tired. I have to get up early. Ok, Love to you all!!!

Asian

Long time no Blog

Well, I got through my month of training at my new job. It's fun & it's nice to make some mad cash! I can finally begin to live the lifestyle I want & be happy about it. I get to finally workout & work towards my rockin' body.

Not too much really going on here. Our poor dog isn't doing well & my husband is a mess :( Shadow's hips have gone out & she can't even walk now. I have a feeling we are going to have to put her to sleep. I don't think I can find it in my heart to get any more pets. It's ok knowing that they will someday leave us, but it's the suffering that sucks. I wish all animals could just peacefully go to sleep and then just never wake up. So I'll keep ya posted about that.

I have had a very interesting visit with my therapist. She helped me figure out food, but I don't want to divulge too much until I get going. So I will definitely post more about that later.

Let's see, we got a king sized bed finally. YAHOO on that!!!

Anyway, peace, love & happiness Peops! I have a headache so I am going to try & sleep it off.

Happy Passover & Easter

Yesterday my brother came over with his kids & we baked Grandma Cecil's oatmeal cookies. There was one ingredient I couldn't read so we left it out. It turned out it was baking soda which explains why all of my grandmother's cookies were so flat. It tickled me pink to realize this. I loved my Jewish grandmother dearly & have many fond memories of celebrating our heritage with her & my Paw Paw. I do also remember her not being able to cook to save her life, but she was precious all the same!

My niece spent the night last night & we 'slumber partied'. According to her it meant staying up past 10:00. lol! Today the Easter Bunny left her some goodies & I also remember as a child celebrating the fun part of Easter. Hunting for Easter eggs!!! So she is all dressed up in her Easter dress waiting for her momma to pick her up so she can go do the same.

The holidays bring back only happy memories. I have to attribute this to my parents always being so laid back & cool & my grandparents bringing the only sense of heritage I had to light. I miss my grandparents dearly & maybe some day I can fulfill the role they played in my life. I hope all the youngsters get instilled in them the importance of grandparents & where they come from.

Peace & Love to everyone!!!