Epiphany

So today was really hard for me. I mean physically I thought I was dying. I dry heaved for about 30 minutes & had horrible penetrating pain in my shoulder. It was my left shoulder (the one I didn't have surgery on). Then I had an epiphany...

A few years ago I just gave up. I had a horrible heart ache & I let it consume me. In that time frame I attracted some awful things because I felt awful. I really had wanted to talk to my therapist about how to let go of hurtful things. I mean there are days when I wake up & the cruelness I endured at a particular job that was supposed to empower women pulses through my veins. At the end of the day, I can't change what happened & so now I am letting those thoughts go play in traffic. They do me no good & I will never truly get revenge :) lol! Ok sometimes I do visualize revenge, but I am getting past that.

While going through the hell of this cleanse, I realized that my life does not have to be so hard & painful. I mean shoulder pain - it felt like someone was poking me with a needle all the way to the bone & pulling it out & putting it back in. So I am tired of doing the same thing over & over again. What my issues lie with are how my physical being is right now. It's not happy. It's overweight & ick! So I start there..

It all comes down to eating well & moving my ass. I so desperately want to get back into training. I KNOW I am a great personal trainer & that is where my passion lies. I can't wait to workout again!

So with all that being said, I am taking myself off my cleanse. I am not going to go back to dairy or sugar. Maybe caffeine...But I want to enjoy life! I may have a piece of cake here & now, but it's my life & I can do that. I love you all who rooted for me through this!!! I can't wait to post about my real journey now...

Peace out!