Not yesterday, Not tomorrow, but Presently

I wonder what the title of this post is going to be. Not sure, I guess we'll see by the end of this post. So I have come a long way from hating my in-laws to being indifferent. I had a great talk with my mom & she said, 'You know, she's not your mother - I am. So just remember when she's acting like she does, that she is NOT your family. Who cares what she does?' So from talk with mom & months of therapy, she's right. Who gives a fuck what those dysfunctional retards do? No sweat off my back. What a freeing moment in my life.

Let's see...I am still working part time & I am making peace with working. My husband & I have come to the conclusion that if I feel well, then work won't really suck. Speaking of, I have hired a trainer & nutritionist. I am excited more about the nutrition than anything. I like my nutritionist, she is all about lifestyle. LIFESTYLE, not lifestyle changes. If you eat out 10 times a week, she caters to that. Of course I am nutrition illiterate & so the session I had last week will have to be repeated tomorrow. Not to mention I had been traveling a lot last month & got full on sick & took a while to recover. So paying attention to anything really went out the window. Now it's all about health. Health, health & health. Interestingly enough, I took this basal metabolic rate test & my shizz is LOW. Like my nutritionist has put me on a 1300 calories a day diet. Whoa. But I am ok with that because even though I am coming into my own, I am still incredibly embarrassed being a fat ass. From what my research has told me, Nutrition alone will help drop the lbs.

My hubby & I are doing well. No complaints & yes, he still spoils the hell out of me. I'm ok with that. Why not?!?!? I have unplugged from Face Book & am taking little steps to remove myself from outside influences. It really is about me & trying to be present. I have been branding myself though - purses & now I have added Gucci sunglasses to my repertoire. I know, I know, I have issues.

Anyway, I hope everyone is well & trying to be present in the moment. I am hoping to blog some more!!! Peace out!!

Asian

A month?!

Wow, it's been a whole month since I have blogged. Not a whole lot going on. Went on vacay, just got back a few days ago. Vegas was a blast, but I got sick when we went to the mountains. Total bummer!

But I do have to say I had a really good talk with my therapist yesterday & she told me that I needed to basically get back in touch with my creativity. What a lovely thought :) I haven't done any creative writing in a long time. I look forward to this assignment. She told me I need to get a book called The Artist's Way. I will pick up a copy this weekend probably.

Oh, I did go to a medical spa. I got a prescribed appetite suppressant. I don't really like it so I think I might try something radical. What's new with that right!? I think I might try eating just veggies & fruit with some protein. I am not craving meat at all right now & I was told that I am pretty acidic as it is & meat doesn't help that. We'll see.

I did do something a little indulgent while in Vegas. I got myself a sweet Louis Vuitton Purse & LV wallet. Nom Nom!!! It's my motivator. So when I was at the med spa, the dr. asked me why I got a Louis Vuitton? She said it's because it's good quality right? Well, I want you to put LV foods in your body 80% of the time. I liked that a lot. She's right. I know what to do, I just have to do. My therapist also said that 90% of why I haven't lost weight is in my head. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? For real!?!? Nah, I'm cool with that because she is right. I am ready & willing & able to take control & kick some ass.

Anyway, I hope everyone is well & hugs!!!

Asian

Day 1

Took a CRT class & I could barely make it through, however, I am going to persevere. Fuck you FAT!!! It was funny though because you have to use a step & every time we did things where we popped our heels on the step I could feel everything from the waist down jiggle. So my goal is to have no more jiggle! I joined a gym last night & this time is for real bitches. About to eat some oatmeal & yogurt with some hot tea. I am so pissed off right now that this event that happened yesterday is fueling my drive. More on that later maybe.

Peace out!

Asian

Something very terrible happened on my way to work

I ran over my kitten :( My heart feels as heavy as a cement block. She had snuck into my garage as I was leaving for work & I had no clue she was there. It happened fast-as a matter of fact so fast that it took me a few minutes to realize what had happened. I feel awful for several reasons. One, I took this little creature's life (I know, it was an accident). Two, I took this little kitty from my husband who if you all don't know by now has the kindest heart & deepest soul. Three, I just feel awful that it happened. My head hurts & my heart aches. The vision of the poor thing as it was dying was so completely utterly shocking & awful :(

Folks, the only thing I can say is that that little kitty literally lived every little moment of her life to the fullest up until the end. I am sure she was being naughty & hiding because she knew she wasn't supposed to be in the garage in the first place. Her message to me was to live life to the fullest. She of all my animals is the only one who was always 'on'. I think may be time to turn my switch back to on, but for now I am going to allow myself to be sad & grieve.

With a heavy heart,

Asian

PS-I didn't make it into work...

Dear Body,

Please stop acting like an 85 year old. WTF? WEIGHT GAIN SUCKS. It just does. Not in the oh I can't wear cute clothes anymore, but the OMG I am so damn uncomfortable. My low back hurts, when I get out of bed & stand up, my ankles hurt. Sigh...Ladies, don't ever let yourself go! It's not worth it. No matter what is going on, take care of yourself!!!!

I have to openly admit that I am embarassed as hell about my appearance. There, I outted myself. I am supposed to be working on self love, but I am so bent out of shape about being out of shape I am not taking the time to do that. I am also realizing that I really still don't like working in a cubicle. Truly, that shit is for the birds. Caged birds. Can you tell I am cranky?!?!? I told my therapist that I am missing the grateful gene & she told me start realizing that I am taking steps to my success & also to enjoy the journey. Double sigh...

Plus it's so mother f%@%!*# hot here. WE NEVER GET A BREAK FROM THE HOT HUMID HEAT. Every day I step outside, it's like walking into an oven. I go on vacation in 3 weeks & cannot wait. We will be in cool Colorado (with a little stop in Vegas). I can't wait!!! I am going to pretend I am a billionaire & just live it up. Well, live it up in Vegas & then relax in Colorado.

Well my friends, I truly hope you all are doing well!!!

XXOO

Asian

AWOL

Sorry it's been like a million years since I've posted. I have been AWOL. Well quite honestly there hasn't been anything siginificant to post about. My life is kind of, well...boring. Except maybe that I haven't had caffeine & sugar for almost a week. I have come upon the conclusion that if I cam conquer this, then I can conquer anything!!!

I am currently watching Big Love & have decided that monogamy is definitely for me! YIKES. But, it is also indicative of the fact that I just got HBO & Skinemax & am addicted to catching up on all the movies I haven't been able to see. I forgot how awesomesauce HBO is. SO MANY MOVIES. I love movie watching. It's truly one of my greatest pleasures.

See?!?!? Nothing too interesting. I did go part time at my job after I tried to quit twice so that's good. Building a nest egg I call it. Oh & we get to go on vacation starting Oct. 1. I haven't been on a vacation in eons!! First stop, Vegas. Second stop the mountains...Ahhhhh...

I Hope everyone is doing well & peace & love peops!

Asian

getting older sux

so i have decided i want to fight mother nature. i don't want to give her a black eye or anything, but i do want to defy her. my body aches. my back hurts, i have eye strain. my work is killing me softly i think. i've tried to adjust to working in a cubicle, but my body won't let me. the job itself is ok, it's the working environment that has my number. now, i am bummed about this for a couple of reasons. the first reason is i just wanted a job i could go to, make some cash & leave. instead, when i go to job, i get horrible back aches & even more horrible eye strain. secondly, i think i am going to have to quit & i really hate that. however, the one thing i am sure of in this lifetime is that i don't have to prove anything to anyone, so to hell with a job that makes me feel like i am a feeble 95 year old.

with that being said, i think once i am out of there i plan on falling off the radar for a while. i really need to jump at the chance to work on me. and i don't mean to get into bikini model shape to start traiing again, but the i just want to be healthy time. it's the least i can do for myself!

hopefully, when i post again, i will have released myself from prison & am on my way to a fresh beginning. for those who are wondering, i am in a great place emotionally & mentally! just need the physical to catch up.

love to you all!!!

asian