Took a CRT class & I could barely make it through, however, I am going to persevere. Fuck you FAT!!! It was funny though because you have to use a step & every time we did things where we popped our heels on the step I could feel everything from the waist down jiggle. So my goal is to have no more jiggle! I joined a gym last night & this time is for real bitches. About to eat some oatmeal & yogurt with some hot tea. I am so pissed off right now that this event that happened yesterday is fueling my drive. More on that later maybe.
Peace out!
Asian
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
Something very terrible happened on my way to work
I ran over my kitten :( My heart feels as heavy as a cement block. She had snuck into my garage as I was leaving for work & I had no clue she was there. It happened fast-as a matter of fact so fast that it took me a few minutes to realize what had happened. I feel awful for several reasons. One, I took this little creature's life (I know, it was an accident). Two, I took this little kitty from my husband who if you all don't know by now has the kindest heart & deepest soul. Three, I just feel awful that it happened. My head hurts & my heart aches. The vision of the poor thing as it was dying was so completely utterly shocking & awful :(
Folks, the only thing I can say is that that little kitty literally lived every little moment of her life to the fullest up until the end. I am sure she was being naughty & hiding because she knew she wasn't supposed to be in the garage in the first place. Her message to me was to live life to the fullest. She of all my animals is the only one who was always 'on'. I think may be time to turn my switch back to on, but for now I am going to allow myself to be sad & grieve.
With a heavy heart,
Asian
PS-I didn't make it into work...
Folks, the only thing I can say is that that little kitty literally lived every little moment of her life to the fullest up until the end. I am sure she was being naughty & hiding because she knew she wasn't supposed to be in the garage in the first place. Her message to me was to live life to the fullest. She of all my animals is the only one who was always 'on'. I think may be time to turn my switch back to on, but for now I am going to allow myself to be sad & grieve.
With a heavy heart,
Asian
PS-I didn't make it into work...
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Dear Body,
Please stop acting like an 85 year old. WTF? WEIGHT GAIN SUCKS. It just does. Not in the oh I can't wear cute clothes anymore, but the OMG I am so damn uncomfortable. My low back hurts, when I get out of bed & stand up, my ankles hurt. Sigh...Ladies, don't ever let yourself go! It's not worth it. No matter what is going on, take care of yourself!!!!
I have to openly admit that I am embarassed as hell about my appearance. There, I outted myself. I am supposed to be working on self love, but I am so bent out of shape about being out of shape I am not taking the time to do that. I am also realizing that I really still don't like working in a cubicle. Truly, that shit is for the birds. Caged birds. Can you tell I am cranky?!?!? I told my therapist that I am missing the grateful gene & she told me start realizing that I am taking steps to my success & also to enjoy the journey. Double sigh...
Plus it's so mother f%@%!*# hot here. WE NEVER GET A BREAK FROM THE HOT HUMID HEAT. Every day I step outside, it's like walking into an oven. I go on vacation in 3 weeks & cannot wait. We will be in cool Colorado (with a little stop in Vegas). I can't wait!!! I am going to pretend I am a billionaire & just live it up. Well, live it up in Vegas & then relax in Colorado.
Well my friends, I truly hope you all are doing well!!!
XXOO
Asian
I have to openly admit that I am embarassed as hell about my appearance. There, I outted myself. I am supposed to be working on self love, but I am so bent out of shape about being out of shape I am not taking the time to do that. I am also realizing that I really still don't like working in a cubicle. Truly, that shit is for the birds. Caged birds. Can you tell I am cranky?!?!? I told my therapist that I am missing the grateful gene & she told me start realizing that I am taking steps to my success & also to enjoy the journey. Double sigh...
Plus it's so mother f%@%!*# hot here. WE NEVER GET A BREAK FROM THE HOT HUMID HEAT. Every day I step outside, it's like walking into an oven. I go on vacation in 3 weeks & cannot wait. We will be in cool Colorado (with a little stop in Vegas). I can't wait!!! I am going to pretend I am a billionaire & just live it up. Well, live it up in Vegas & then relax in Colorado.
Well my friends, I truly hope you all are doing well!!!
XXOO
Asian
Saturday, September 4, 2010
AWOL
Sorry it's been like a million years since I've posted. I have been AWOL. Well quite honestly there hasn't been anything siginificant to post about. My life is kind of, well...boring. Except maybe that I haven't had caffeine & sugar for almost a week. I have come upon the conclusion that if I cam conquer this, then I can conquer anything!!!
I am currently watching Big Love & have decided that monogamy is definitely for me! YIKES. But, it is also indicative of the fact that I just got HBO & Skinemax & am addicted to catching up on all the movies I haven't been able to see. I forgot how awesomesauce HBO is. SO MANY MOVIES. I love movie watching. It's truly one of my greatest pleasures.
See?!?!? Nothing too interesting. I did go part time at my job after I tried to quit twice so that's good. Building a nest egg I call it. Oh & we get to go on vacation starting Oct. 1. I haven't been on a vacation in eons!! First stop, Vegas. Second stop the mountains...Ahhhhh...
I Hope everyone is doing well & peace & love peops!
Asian
I am currently watching Big Love & have decided that monogamy is definitely for me! YIKES. But, it is also indicative of the fact that I just got HBO & Skinemax & am addicted to catching up on all the movies I haven't been able to see. I forgot how awesomesauce HBO is. SO MANY MOVIES. I love movie watching. It's truly one of my greatest pleasures.
See?!?!? Nothing too interesting. I did go part time at my job after I tried to quit twice so that's good. Building a nest egg I call it. Oh & we get to go on vacation starting Oct. 1. I haven't been on a vacation in eons!! First stop, Vegas. Second stop the mountains...Ahhhhh...
I Hope everyone is doing well & peace & love peops!
Asian
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
getting older sux
so i have decided i want to fight mother nature. i don't want to give her a black eye or anything, but i do want to defy her. my body aches. my back hurts, i have eye strain. my work is killing me softly i think. i've tried to adjust to working in a cubicle, but my body won't let me. the job itself is ok, it's the working environment that has my number. now, i am bummed about this for a couple of reasons. the first reason is i just wanted a job i could go to, make some cash & leave. instead, when i go to job, i get horrible back aches & even more horrible eye strain. secondly, i think i am going to have to quit & i really hate that. however, the one thing i am sure of in this lifetime is that i don't have to prove anything to anyone, so to hell with a job that makes me feel like i am a feeble 95 year old.
with that being said, i think once i am out of there i plan on falling off the radar for a while. i really need to jump at the chance to work on me. and i don't mean to get into bikini model shape to start traiing again, but the i just want to be healthy time. it's the least i can do for myself!
hopefully, when i post again, i will have released myself from prison & am on my way to a fresh beginning. for those who are wondering, i am in a great place emotionally & mentally! just need the physical to catch up.
love to you all!!!
asian
with that being said, i think once i am out of there i plan on falling off the radar for a while. i really need to jump at the chance to work on me. and i don't mean to get into bikini model shape to start traiing again, but the i just want to be healthy time. it's the least i can do for myself!
hopefully, when i post again, i will have released myself from prison & am on my way to a fresh beginning. for those who are wondering, i am in a great place emotionally & mentally! just need the physical to catch up.
love to you all!!!
asian
Sunday, July 18, 2010
not sweet
So the blogging gods are upset with me or something. I wrote this really long meaningful post & then my keyboard did something & deleted half of it. Bahhumbug!
So I will post later....kisses everyone!
So I will post later....kisses everyone!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Going Awaccupuncture Party
So my dad told me the other day that the definition of happiness is something to look forward to. I thought that was really cool. It's been a really long time I feel that I've had something to look forward to. I mean something I honestly really looked forward to. The one thing I have been struggling with for quite some time is losing weight & really just getting healthy. I tend to overwhelm myself with too much information & am ready to throw in the towel before I even begin.
Something happened yesterday that I think might have changed my life. You know, a few sessions ago, my therapist said I need to embrace my Asian heritage-specifically Chinese. Well, maybe because I am Chinese :). So I tried accupuncture for the first time yesterday & the results have been faneffingtastic. Remember me complaining about headaches? It turns out that I have had really bad sinus infection & that is why my eyes have felt like they were going to pop out of my head. I go into the session not having ANY idea what to expect. I was a bit nervous due to the fact I knew I would have these needles sticking out of my body & that I would look like the guy from Hellraiser. Anyway, my accupuncturist was really cool & very funny & helped me be relaxed. He doesn't just throw you down on the table & start puncturing you with needles. He does an assesment & this is what intrigued me the most....It's kind of hard to explain, but bear with me. I am sitting in a chair & he puts a round pillow on my lap with my wrists resting on the pillow. He picks up my right wrist & squeezes it. Just from doing that, he says 'Your immune system is weakened right now and your metabolism is really off.' He then takes my pulse & says it's a bit high. So then he squeezes my left wrist & says 'Do your knees hurt? I see some arthritis.' I respond, actually yes. I have had achey knees for the past week or so. He says a few other things & then starts looking at my left ear. 'I sense that your stomach is really worn out. It's really cold. Don't eat anything out of the fridge anymore.' 'Also, are you stressed out?' The last time I had my adrenal glands checked, I had high cortisol levels. Ok....So then he looks at my right ear & asks me 'Does your low back hurt? I sense some sciatica.' By now I am like OMG-this IS Ancient Chinese Secret. Because my back started hurting last Sunday. Then he rattled off a few more things.
Next he had me lay down on the table & let me know what he was going to do & then he started with my legs. So he pins both my legs & proceeds to put the needles in my right hand. So far so good. THEN he put a needle in my right ear. Holy shitballs-it was so painful! I was like 'Uh, this one hurts. Like a LOT!' He said, that is the point for stress. Bingo, I started to catch on that whatever needs to be fixed is going to hurt a lot at first. So he puts one in my other ear (no big deal) & then he started to needle my left hand. The first two were like buttah, but then the third one kicked my ass! So I asked what pressure point that was & he said that's the pressure behind your eyes. AHA! That was the whole reason I wanted to try accupuncture-to relieve the pressure behing my eyes. Anyway, he told me he would come back to check on me in 10 minutes. He left & I laid there & all these weird sensastions started happening. My legs felt like they weighed 1000 pounds each & I couldn't really feel my feet. My head started throbbing exactly where it had been for two months. When he popped in at 10 minutes, he asked how I felt. By then for some reason my left leg was hurting a bit (one of the pressure points) & my left hand still felt a bit weird. He left again & came back again in 10 minutes. At this point I felt like I had icey-hot on my arms & legs. When he took out the needles my hands started itching like crazy!!! He was like 'this is good!!! it means your circulation is really working.' He asked me if I had relaxed at all while on the table & I let him know I hadn't. He told me not to worry about it, I'll start to relax & if not I'll have good night's sleep.
On the drive home I started to get really, really sleepy. When I got home, all I wanted to do was lie down. I was a bit woozy...BUT, I had the best night's sleep I've had in a Looooooooooooooooooooong time. Not to mention that I have had a great energy day. Slight headache today, but drinking water helped that. I got home, cleaned my kitchen, etc. My point is, that I feel better without having to take any antibiotics. YAY!!! I think I am on to something & I really do Think It's an Ancient Chinese Secret. I wish I would have done this years ago. OH! Most of all, he told me my hormones are out of whack, but he can help me get right & start to lose weight :) I truly feel hopeful for the first time in a long time. I am envisioning my true health & well being & it's fanfuckingtastic! (Sorry, I had to let that one out!)
I am having a going away party for the bad foods in my life. One of the things I was also made aware of is lay off the sugar & carbs. So this weekend is a farewell to crap & a hello to nutrition. Now how I am going to accomplish this is a different post! I had to add accupuncture to my title so that is how it came about. I am one tired beotch & need to catch some winks.
Love to you all!!!
Asian
Something happened yesterday that I think might have changed my life. You know, a few sessions ago, my therapist said I need to embrace my Asian heritage-specifically Chinese. Well, maybe because I am Chinese :). So I tried accupuncture for the first time yesterday & the results have been faneffingtastic. Remember me complaining about headaches? It turns out that I have had really bad sinus infection & that is why my eyes have felt like they were going to pop out of my head. I go into the session not having ANY idea what to expect. I was a bit nervous due to the fact I knew I would have these needles sticking out of my body & that I would look like the guy from Hellraiser. Anyway, my accupuncturist was really cool & very funny & helped me be relaxed. He doesn't just throw you down on the table & start puncturing you with needles. He does an assesment & this is what intrigued me the most....It's kind of hard to explain, but bear with me. I am sitting in a chair & he puts a round pillow on my lap with my wrists resting on the pillow. He picks up my right wrist & squeezes it. Just from doing that, he says 'Your immune system is weakened right now and your metabolism is really off.' He then takes my pulse & says it's a bit high. So then he squeezes my left wrist & says 'Do your knees hurt? I see some arthritis.' I respond, actually yes. I have had achey knees for the past week or so. He says a few other things & then starts looking at my left ear. 'I sense that your stomach is really worn out. It's really cold. Don't eat anything out of the fridge anymore.' 'Also, are you stressed out?' The last time I had my adrenal glands checked, I had high cortisol levels. Ok....So then he looks at my right ear & asks me 'Does your low back hurt? I sense some sciatica.' By now I am like OMG-this IS Ancient Chinese Secret. Because my back started hurting last Sunday. Then he rattled off a few more things.
Next he had me lay down on the table & let me know what he was going to do & then he started with my legs. So he pins both my legs & proceeds to put the needles in my right hand. So far so good. THEN he put a needle in my right ear. Holy shitballs-it was so painful! I was like 'Uh, this one hurts. Like a LOT!' He said, that is the point for stress. Bingo, I started to catch on that whatever needs to be fixed is going to hurt a lot at first. So he puts one in my other ear (no big deal) & then he started to needle my left hand. The first two were like buttah, but then the third one kicked my ass! So I asked what pressure point that was & he said that's the pressure behind your eyes. AHA! That was the whole reason I wanted to try accupuncture-to relieve the pressure behing my eyes. Anyway, he told me he would come back to check on me in 10 minutes. He left & I laid there & all these weird sensastions started happening. My legs felt like they weighed 1000 pounds each & I couldn't really feel my feet. My head started throbbing exactly where it had been for two months. When he popped in at 10 minutes, he asked how I felt. By then for some reason my left leg was hurting a bit (one of the pressure points) & my left hand still felt a bit weird. He left again & came back again in 10 minutes. At this point I felt like I had icey-hot on my arms & legs. When he took out the needles my hands started itching like crazy!!! He was like 'this is good!!! it means your circulation is really working.' He asked me if I had relaxed at all while on the table & I let him know I hadn't. He told me not to worry about it, I'll start to relax & if not I'll have good night's sleep.
On the drive home I started to get really, really sleepy. When I got home, all I wanted to do was lie down. I was a bit woozy...BUT, I had the best night's sleep I've had in a Looooooooooooooooooooong time. Not to mention that I have had a great energy day. Slight headache today, but drinking water helped that. I got home, cleaned my kitchen, etc. My point is, that I feel better without having to take any antibiotics. YAY!!! I think I am on to something & I really do Think It's an Ancient Chinese Secret. I wish I would have done this years ago. OH! Most of all, he told me my hormones are out of whack, but he can help me get right & start to lose weight :) I truly feel hopeful for the first time in a long time. I am envisioning my true health & well being & it's fanfuckingtastic! (Sorry, I had to let that one out!)
I am having a going away party for the bad foods in my life. One of the things I was also made aware of is lay off the sugar & carbs. So this weekend is a farewell to crap & a hello to nutrition. Now how I am going to accomplish this is a different post! I had to add accupuncture to my title so that is how it came about. I am one tired beotch & need to catch some winks.
Love to you all!!!
Asian
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