Damn...I had this great emotional release a couple of weeks ago & now I am just one pissed off & bitter woman. I can't even begin to explain all the bad shit that is happening to me. I mean, what the fuck did I do that the Universe is pissed at me? I don't brag, I'm modest & I try to treat others as I'd like to be treated but it doesn't seem to matter.
You know, I've been in therapy for a while & I have to say I wish I'd done this years ago. But the only thing that has ever bothered me is that I've been told the fairytale ended. But how is it a fairytale when it's real? When it's something that is truly intangible? I never grew up wanting or waiting for prince charming. As a matter of fact in my late 20's I wrote men off for good. I was sure I'd die alone. I still may die alone at the rate shit is happening. I am not upset with my happy head person at all - This is definitely not a slight on her at all!!! I need to be clear about this because she is amazing! I just can't figure out what the fuck is going on!?!?!?
I feel like I am being tested, but why? I don't think I can take much more of this. I may do what my friend Ali did & sell everything & go on my spiritual quest. I always thought I'd end up living overseas, specifically England, because I've always been in love with that country. I don't know why, but ever since I was a child I've wanted to go there. Really I have been climbing the walls to journey somewhere where there is a lot of peace & serenity & silence. I hate the city I live in because the people suck here. No one ever takes accountability for their actions & no one gives a fuck anymore. There's no pride in having a job or performing said job. It's sad...
Anyway, I haven't eaten yet & it's already lunch time. Maybe I'll just go drown my sorrows in some Baskin Robbins.
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